A close friend of mine sent me this song and told me it reminded her of me. What a sweetie! I was very touched.
So I recently saw the doctor who will be doing the epidural injection for the herniated disks. He was really nice so I that calmed me down a bit. Needles scare me TO DEATH so I am pretty scared of this whole ordeal.
The procedure is in two weeks so I have to wait - which means more time to dread the needle.... :(
In other news, I have been able to get out of my bed and apartment a bit! Justin took me out driving around to see the fall leaves. It was so pretty. I love New England at this time of year.
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On a side note, I have received some messages, comments and other forms of communication accusing me of being "too depressing" about this whole ordeal and "why don't you just trust God about all this and rejoice that you aren't dying???"
Let me be loud and clear:
Yes, I am not dying, I know that. However, the situation I am dealing with is very hard FOR ME. I am dealing with the TOUGHEST SITUATION that I have ever faced so far in my lifetime. Reprimanding me for being discouraged or depressed about my situation does nothing but to discourage me further. I have issues with Panic Disorder, and I have to deal with Depression on top of everything else. I am not perfect, and I never want to pretend to be perfect. Am I struggling with my faith? Absolutely. Telling me that I need to set a good example for the younger christian ladies reading here is not helping. Just because I am a christian doesn't mean I will just magically stop struggling, and you know what? That's ok! It is perfectly ok to struggle. It is perfectly ok to have doubts and fear. Because in the end, my faith will be stronger, and I can be a comfort to those who feel hopeless and abandoned by God.
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So that being said, a GREAT BIG THANKYOU to all the people who have been supportive and accepting of me during my time of struggles. Thankyou for your endless prayers and comments of encouragement.
And a HUGE thankyou to my darling Justin. He has been such a precious man, he has taken over the house, laundry and cooking completely. He has brought me home flowers to make me smile. He has stayed up all night to comfort me during panic attacks. He has held my hand when I am scared. I love him so very much. I could never get through this without him.
Love Rebecca
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The procedure is in two weeks so I have to wait - which means more time to dread the needle.... :(
In other news, I have been able to get out of my bed and apartment a bit! Justin took me out driving around to see the fall leaves. It was so pretty. I love New England at this time of year.
*********************************************************************
On a side note, I have received some messages, comments and other forms of communication accusing me of being "too depressing" about this whole ordeal and "why don't you just trust God about all this and rejoice that you aren't dying???"
Let me be loud and clear:
Yes, I am not dying, I know that. However, the situation I am dealing with is very hard FOR ME. I am dealing with the TOUGHEST SITUATION that I have ever faced so far in my lifetime. Reprimanding me for being discouraged or depressed about my situation does nothing but to discourage me further. I have issues with Panic Disorder, and I have to deal with Depression on top of everything else. I am not perfect, and I never want to pretend to be perfect. Am I struggling with my faith? Absolutely. Telling me that I need to set a good example for the younger christian ladies reading here is not helping. Just because I am a christian doesn't mean I will just magically stop struggling, and you know what? That's ok! It is perfectly ok to struggle. It is perfectly ok to have doubts and fear. Because in the end, my faith will be stronger, and I can be a comfort to those who feel hopeless and abandoned by God.
*********************************************************************
So that being said, a GREAT BIG THANKYOU to all the people who have been supportive and accepting of me during my time of struggles. Thankyou for your endless prayers and comments of encouragement.
And a HUGE thankyou to my darling Justin. He has been such a precious man, he has taken over the house, laundry and cooking completely. He has brought me home flowers to make me smile. He has stayed up all night to comfort me during panic attacks. He has held my hand when I am scared. I love him so very much. I could never get through this without him.
Love Rebecca
Ignore the comments from ignorant people. They have no clue what you are going through. It's hard to understand panic and depression unless you have been there. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this. But you are right-in the end, your faith will be stronger. You also won't judge because you know how it feels to be judged. Just keep your chin up! My daughter is going through some things that have opened my eyes to what others are going through. Just know that there are people praying for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of person would say those things to you? Obviously, it's someone who hasn't had many hard times in their life and is very immature. What good would it do pretend like everything's perfect? When you are able to get moving again you should take charge of your health and diet and I know things will turn around for you. I'm glad you're being honest. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteFirst, big hugs to you, Rebecca! I'm sorry people are firing off ridiculous discouraging commentary to you. Your pain and struggles are your reality and you share them here not to DISCOURAGE people but to share yourself. Ignore mean-spirited people -- they are only there to weaken you and maybe even your walk with your faith.
ReplyDeleteSecond, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and struggles and rejoices! For all the people who have shown both support and discouragement to you, there are probably just as many who read here but won't post here. Ignore the meanies. :)
P.S. I'm afraid of needles, too. You either are or you're not. Nothing wrong with it. Period. We sometimes have to endure them, but we don't for a minute have to like it. Hugs, sweetie!
ReplyDeleteI thought of something else while ago. Have you had your thyroid checked? Not just the TSH and Free T4 but an entire thyroid panel? That might be some of the problem. Just thought I'd mention it. My daughter has Hashimoto's thyroiditis (a form of hypothyroidism) and it is unbelievable the problems it can cause. Sometimes the first thyroid blood test comes back normal but if they do an entire thyroid panel, it will show more. Just my public service announcement. lol I do hope you are feeling better soon and able to be up and about like I know you want to be.
ReplyDeleteHrrmmmm - guess those naysayers never read the Book of Job did they? :)
ReplyDeleteKeep fighting, dear girl, and your faith will be stronger and your mind so much wiser. Needles are icky things - I don't like them either. I've found that not watching helps me but I some people are the opposite.
Praying for you and Justin,
Lea
Also needle phobic! I got my doc to write me a prescription for the lidocaine cream they use on little babies just to get my blood pulled.
ReplyDeleteI think that people who have never dealt with health problems cannot understand. Back problems are awful. As tired as you are of being "sick", your body just can't handle more. It isn't something that you just get over and bounce back from quickly.
Don't let the "encouragers" discourage you. No one is perfect or has a life that is perfect, even if it appears so. I appreciate your being real more than trying to appear perfect. God said to "Rejoice IN all things" not FOR all things. As long as you are still finding things to rejoice in-- which you just did (true encouragers and Justin)-- then you are rejoicing and their criticisms are in error. Sigh. Wish everyone remembered that Christians are to be known for their love, not for their "helpful" admonishments!
Wow. People write mean things, and then they tell you to cheer up? What's wrong with that picture?! Rebecca I have been wanting to tell you this for a long time: I am a 45 year old married woman (married 26 years this December!) with 2 children in their 20's and YOU have taught me much about what being a loving couple is all about. I so admire you and Justin and the way you care for each other. Reading your blog has inspired my husband and I to be better spouses. Don't you let anyone get you down - this is your blog for you to share your hopes and dreams, as well as your disappointments and fears. People who criticize you are just trying to make themselves feel better. You just keep on being your own fabulous self!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that people have left you negative comments! Continuing to pray for you during what is certainly a challenging time!
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since I've visited your blog and I was sorry to read about your health problems. There is nothing worse than chronic pain, and anyone who would leave such cruel comments needs to do some serious soul-searching. I know from experience that chronic pain creates depression, which makes the pain worse, which becomes a spiral, but if you can get relief from the pain the depression will go away on its own. Just remember the vows that you and Justin took--in sickness and in health--and that you would do the same in caring for Justin if he was the one who was disabled. So rejoice that the lord sent you such a faithful partner and don't feel at all guilty that he is the one taking care of you. Oh, and I have visited that freejinger website and no one is saying unkind things about you at all. Rather, every comment I read expressed great affection for you and sympathy for your health problems.
ReplyDelete