In Memory of Grandma Nicolina

A few days after Grandma's passing I helped my mother in law and Aunt Jackie go through Grandma's old photo albums 

 Grandma Nicolina's dad was really into photography so we had a large amount of photos to sift through.

It took about 8 hours to full go through and scan all the pictures they wanted to use for Grandma's funeral service. I had no idea how amazing these pictures were going to be.

So this young boxer is my husband's Great Grandfather, Jack, Nicolina's father.

Grandma's parents, Germina and Jack. 

Grandma Nicolina as a toddler with her dad Jack. 

This photograph was taken in probably 1934 or 1935.

I can not begin to express how awesome it is to see photos of grandma as a tiny child. I am incredibly jealous! I would love seeing photos of my grandparents as children 

Grandma a bit older with her parents, Jack and Germina. 

I wish I could have see these photos before Grandma's passed, I would have loved talking to her about them.

I definitely can see that it's grandma in that tiny face 💓

 Staying warm in a New England winter!

Grandma in school. 

Grandma was raised Roman Catholic, so this is probably her first communion?

Grandma was 7 when her only other sibling, Jackie, was born

Grandma and Jackie

 As a young adult Grandma Nicolina went by her nickname "Lina"

 Grandma sitting on the front porch of the home she grew up in and would live in till the day she died. 

 Grandma, a friend and her sister Jackie.

Poppa and Grandma's engagement

Poppa and Grandma were married in 1956

Grandma with her children David, Jeffrey and Cheryl Ann.

Grandma and her kids dressed for a wedding. 

I am living for Uncle Dave's fashion in this photo ✌

Also my poor mother-in-law hated her hair do and I don't blame her!

 My in-laws as young love birds 😍 

How adorable is this??!

Justin's parents' wedding day

I love this photo of Grandma and Aunt Jackie 

Grandma with a bunch of the grandkids. My husband is the little guy she is holding! 

Look at my adorable husband and his sister as a little ones!  

Justin and his sister having a tea party with Grandma

I can't get over that adorable face 💓 

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On Valentine's day (the day before she passed) I had my last interaction with Grandma. I said "Hi Grandma! Its Rebecca!" She asked "Justin's Rebecca?" I said yes and she said a happy "Oohh 😄" I gave her a kiss on her forehead and told her I loved her. I held her hand for a moment and she gently squeezed back.

       We had a beautiful service for Grandma. It was truly bittersweet. So many stories, so many tears. 

Our small church building was so full of people paying their last respects, that many had to stand. 

I think one of Grandma's greatest legacies she leaves behind are the memories of her unconditional love. It didn't matter that you were not related by blood to her. If you were around- you became her grand kid

I'm glad Grandma had a full life and made it to 86 regardless of her myriad of health problems. I am sad that she is gone and that future family members won't get to know Grandma.  I can't wait to tell them just how much she loved us all, and how special that was to me 💕

Love, Rebecca

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Grandma Nicolina

Justin's grandma sadly passed on February 15th of this year.

 I will be making a proper post soon in memory of her. 

We knew her time was drawing to a close as of December but it still seemed to arrive so suddenly. She took a bad fall on a Wednesday and was gone by Saturday. 

During the days between her fall and her passing, things were bittersweet. Family trickled in and out of Grandma's home. Quiet moments were had, tears were shed, and an occasional somber giggle at old stories could be heard.

I was able to have a brief conversation with Grandma on Thursday. She was tired but still aware of us that day. We made jokes, held hands and expressed our love for each other.

Family members took turns consoling one another,comforting Poppa, sitting with grandma or sharing thoughts. We were there, waiting, for Grandma's time to end. The feeling of not being able to do anything and having to wait reminded me so much of all the times I've waited to hear of a baby's arrival. I couldn't do anything to speed up the process or alter events. I had to just sit there and wait. We all had to wait.

Death is ugly.

Grandma's face was swollen with blood, her nose had been broken in the fall. She was bleeding from her eyes, her nose and sadly vomiting blood too. One of her eyes was swollen shut and her face was  marked with deep purple. It was sad. Heart breaking. We knew her time was coming but we didn't think it would look like this. We didn't prepare for this.

It was hard. 

As horrible and cruel as death is, it also gives us some beauty. 

In the brief moments of awareness loving words were shared. Grandma was comforting us. 

We knew Grandma wanted to pass at home and surrounded by family. It was beautiful to see her desire fufilled. My husband and I were not there when the time came but Grandma's last words were, "I'm so happy" Some of the family were gathered around singing her favorite hymns to her when Grandma's soul departed. 

Grandma died on February 15th, 2020. It was the 64th anniversary of Grandma and Poppa's first date 

We got the phone call that Grandma was gone. A mix of relief and sadness filled me. Grandma is no longer in pain, but now she is gone. The empty feeling has grown since the day she passed. Those moments remembering that I can't tell grandma that joke, or I can't give her a hug really hurt. It comes and goes. I feel so happy and grateful to have known her one moment, only to be crying later because I can not make any more memories with her.  

Grandma Nicolina

Oct 11, 1933 - Feb 15, 2020

Love, Rebecca

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I Tried

Last week I started writing a big ol’ blog post for you all. I spent a couple hours typing my thoughts down, editing it and getting it just right. Once I was satisfied with what I had written I hit that faithful save icon… and my work vanished. I think you could hear my will to live shatter.

Apparently I made the mistake of typing my post on the memo pad app on my phone (which does not auto-save) and it was lost to the void forever. My husband tried to help me recover it but no luck. So when I scrape my inspiration up off the floor I'll re-write the darn thing. Might take a while.

In other news I'm still struggling with the passing of my in-laws dog Mason. It hurt the most going to their house and feeling the obvious lack of his presence. No wagging tail thumping loudly into the cabinets. No sad brown eyes. His favorite blanket gone.

I've cried a lot this week. My husband says my heart just has a very special spot for pets that is protective and sensitive. He isn't wrong. (I’ve cried over fish)

I know someday my own beloved cat will pass on and I've teared up about it since we got him. He's only 3 years old and while I hope he has a long and healthy life I know that might not be the case for him. To me Oliver isn't just a cat, he truly is my buddy. He’s my friend and companion. It's rare to fall asleep or wake without him by me. He is a very good boy and has a great personality. I would miss him a lot.

So for now I make sure to enjoy the furball while he is around. The pain of losing him will be a reminder that for a time he was here, he was my bud and he made a big impact on me.

Love Rebecca

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In Memory of One Grumpy Cat and Two Sweet Dogs

"Saying goodbye, Why is it sad?

Makes us remember the good times we've had...

You're in my heart

So until then...

It's time for saying goodbye."

-The Muppets

This post is going to be bittersweet to write. I'm filled with the wonderful memories of these beautiful animals, but also heart broken that they have since passed on. As painful as it is to say goodbye to our beloved pets I'm thankful that I had the privilege of loving them.

Over the past 6 months my in-law's senior pets all passed away. I wish animals never had to grow old.

 Nimbus was the first to go in November of 2017. Even though he was a grumpy old cat he was definitely spunky. He was 11 when he passed.

Nimbus had a lot of health issues as he had survived being hit by a car when he was young. You'd never know it to look at him. He was such a pretty tabby cat.

He had the loudest and most rumbly purr I've ever heard /felt from a cat! One of the last times I held him it was like trying to hold onto a jack hammer!

While he was definitely a grumpy old cat he had his own way of loving people he liked. It was always special when he meowed at me wanting to be pet. 

Two weeks after Nimbus passed 15 year old Shadow went as well. While it hurt to say goodbye we were a bit more prepared because of his advanced age. 

It was also hard because Shadow was part of the family when I met Justin. He was a staple to family events and moments. I had known and loved this pup for as long as I had known and loved Justin. Shadow was a beagle/husky mix but people always thought he was a collie.   

During his last year, even though he was deaf and going blind he was still a happy dog. His tail was always wagging.

I miss him a lot and I feel lucky to have gotten to know one of the sweetest dogs ever. I'm thankful he lived in relatively good health as long as he did. 

If you are wondering, yes the passing of Nimbus and Shadow was the biggest reason why I stopped blogging for a while. I didn't want to write about their passing because it was devastating that we lost them both within a couple weeks and right before Christmas. 

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Now comes the really heart breaking one. 
Dear old Mason. 

Mason joined my in-laws' family last fall at the age of 9. He was a rescue dog that had been severely abused when he was young. He had been with  adopted by relatives of my in-laws years ago and they loved him fully. Unfortunately they were moving and could no longer care for him. So my in-laws took Mason into our family.

Mason was a Swiss Mountain Dog, He had the most adorable sad brown eyes.

How anyone could look at that lovely face and abuse him was beyond me.

Mason and I clicked right away. He felt like a kindred soul. He knew I'd give him a long back scratch when I'd visit so I often found him sitting by me waiting. I had never fallen in love with a pet that wasn't my own so quickly and so strongly like I did with Mason.  

This past Friday, Mason passed away in his sleep very unexpectedly. He had just turned 10 in February and was a healthy and happy dog. It was devastating and I'm still in shock. I had so much more love to give this good boy and now he is gone. I am so grateful I hung out with him two days prior to his passing. I gave him lots of pets and played with him. I still can't believe he is gone. 

Off to cuddle my cat and cry some more... 

~Rebecca

"In all thine hours of gladness, think on me.

If e'er I soothed thine sadness, think on me."

-Mary, Queen of Scots

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