My Story part 1

TALE OF THE FOUR BRIDES

My Story 

PART 1 

As a young girl I often dreamed of the day I would meet that "special man", I would look at my mother's wedding photos for hours and admire her beautiful wedding ring. I loved reading books where the princess fell in love, and a cute romantic story always got an "awwwwwwwww" out of me! I loved doll houses, and loved having my little doll family. I wanted to someday meet a guy, fall in love, get married and have a family too. 

My world changed when I became 15 and suddenly realized that I wasn't as thin as most of my friends. I began to feel very uncomfortable about me and who I was. The slow weight gain had started when I was 13 but I never realized something was "wrong" with me until the age of 15. 

In my mind if I wasn't thin, I wasn't beautiful, and if I wasn't beautiful ....no guy would ever have any interest in me. With that idea in mind I panicked and tried to lose weight. With my mom's encouragement and help I did lose some weight, but I would hit a point where I wouldn't lose any more weight for weeks and weeks. I would get discouraged, frustrated and give up. It was a vicious cycle.

During my teen years I actually had very little interest in guys. Most of the boys my age were.... let's say very immature. Not what I was looking for at all. I had an idea of what I desired- I wanted a steady, godly man with a great sense of humor. Add a laid-back, down-to-earth mentality and that was "perfection"in my mind! 
I knew what I wanted, but I was scared to death that I wasn't pretty enough to catch a guy's eye. 


 

In the summer of 2007 things in my life started to change. I was fresh out of high school and had signed up for a Summer Missionary training program. I was so excited! A whole summer of learning how to teach the Bible to kids and time with other teens my age was awesome! What could possibly go wrong?? 

There are many things we never "prepare" or plan for as a teen..... Crushes being one of them. 

Yes, little old me who thought that all teen boys were immature experienced a crush. 
Unlike the other guys my age, this particular young man was more mature, he wanted to serve God with his life, he was funny and down to earth. It was the first time I had ever met a guy like that. I started trying to get to know him better and become his friend. 



. 
 And this was more then just a "crush" to me. There was more at stake. 
I was plagued with feelings that my looks would keep me from finding a guy. I was hoping beyond hope that this guy might like me back, even if I wasn't as pretty and thin as other girls. I was hoping that maybe he would like me regardless. 


As the summer months passed my crush turned into an obsession with this guy, even though I hadn't seen any definite return of my feelings. I wanted him to like me, I NEEDED him to like me. 

With the start of fall my parents told me that I was to cut off any communication with this boy and move on. He was not showing any return of feelings for me, along with other problems. I was devastated. 

He didn't like me, he had never liked me.... 

Was the fact that I wasn't as thin as other girls going to ruin any chances to get a guy? My heart ached from the desire to be loved someday... was it never going to happen?

TO BE CONTINUED...

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