I have never made an official post about this- but I live with anxiety (panic) attacks.
The panic attacks started during my teen years. At the time I didn't now about anxiety attacks, I simply assumed that I was either overly upset or just more emotional about things. I reasoned that this was probably just how I dealt with things.
When I turned 18 and started college I first found out about anxiety attacks, also known as panic attacks. Because I knew so little about them, it often seemed that these college girls who suffered from panic attacks were "emotionally unstable" or just "seeking attention"- it didn't help that most of them came across as the more boy-crazy students.
By God's grace I met a young lady in one of my classes (we will call her "Jane"). She quickly became one of my friends, and even after she left college we stayed in touch via email. During our email conversations the subject of anxiety attacks came up. Jane had suffered from them for years. This was amazing to me as she was not like the first girls I knew associated with anxiety/panic attacks. She was a sweet, godly, down to earth young lady. She had a stable relationship and was even soon to be married!
As our conversations continued and she explained more about her anxiety attacks I began to understand that the panic/anxiety attacks were NOT a "sin problem" like I had assumed and had been told by various people. Even at this time though, I didn't realize that I too was suffering from occasional attacks.
Fast forward to the time I turned 21. I was in a relationship with Justin by this point. One night while we were on the phone discussing a problem I was dealing with, an anxiety attack started. Justin knew what they were and helped me calm down over the phone. The next day when he called he talked to me and asked if I was feeling ok after my "panic attack".
I was so confused and asked him to explain...
Long story short after he explained and some internet searches and more emails to my friend I realized I did in fact suffer from anxiety attacks.
At first I was SO EMBARRASSED. I couldn't be like one of those "unstable" girls! I assumed it was JUST worrying. But even while trying to conquer my worrying it didn't change my anxiety attacks. I went to counseling, memorized verses on trusting the Lord, and so on.
Jane and Justin helped me work through most of this with such patience and understanding. It wasn't until after I was married that I finally was able to accept that I was getting anxiety attacks and that it was ok- it wasn't a sin problem.
As I have grown older, my anxiety attacks have gotten more frequent and worse.
I did find out that PCOS can also make them worse. Anxiety attacks are not merely a medical problem, or just a worrying problem... for me it is a horrible and toxic blend of many issues.
My anxiety attacks are triggered by fear about something new/something I don't understand, by stress, lack of sleep, unable to sleep, by feeling like I have failed someone's expectations about me, the room being too warm, and occasionally being around people I feel uncomfortable/nervous around. I have had attacks out of the blue, I can be thinking about ice cream and have a random attack!
If you do not know what an anxiety attack is- let me describe it for you.
Your heart rate which was beating normally a few seconds ago suddenly escalates, your breath is harder to catch, you feel a strong desire to run out of the room you are in. You feel like something is threatening your very existence. Thoughts become irrational. Nothing makes sense. A terrible sense of fear sets in. It turns into a struggle to regain control.
"Sufferers of panic attacks often report a fear or sense of dying, "going crazy," or experiencing a heart attack or "flashing vision," feeling faint or nauseated, a numb sensation throughout the body, heavy breathing (and almost always, hyperventilation), or losing control of themselves. Some people also suffer from tunnel vision, mostly due to blood flow leaving the head to more critical parts of the body in defense. These feelings may provoke a strong urge to escape or flee the place where the attack began (a consequence of the sympathetic "fight-or-flight response") in which the hormone which causes this response is released in significant amounts. This response floods the body with hormones, particularly epinephrine (adrenaline), that aid it in defending against harm." -Wikipedia
Justin is very helpful when I get an attack.
We are working on any spiritual or emotional issues that are triggering my attacks.
We have figured out some things that help me calm down, and usually it can be over within an hour.
We have also started to talk to doctors, just due to how often I get them.
Writing about my anxiety attacks is not easy, but I want to help people who also struggle with these attacks- I also want to help them realize that attacks do not make you inferior or weak, and to help others understand that this is not a "sin" problem.
If you would like to know more here are some links that Justin and I found helpful..
How to Identify a Panic Attack
God bless,
~Rebecca
I'm sorry, Rebecca. I used to suffer from anxiety attacks as well, and in my experience, the church does see them as a sin problem. Just wanted to show you some support. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI have them too. You're definitely not alone!
ReplyDeleteMy biggest trigger has to do with driving (I hate driving and I drove 18mi one way to work every day), especially on the freeway. I've gotten better at handling it but it's still freaky.
Long distance hugs,
Lea
Great post -- anxiety is definitely not a character flaw or a spiritual disorder - it's biochemical and often needs a biochemical treatment approach. I hope your doctor is sensitive to this and helps you find a solution that works for you.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post. Panic/anxiety attacks were NOT a "sin problem". I agree. Thanks for your efforts with Justin to post this and for sharing the links here. This link may help too. Self Hypnosis
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