Saying Goodbye...

A very special woman in my life passed away a few days ago.

I have lost a few loved ones over the years, but it is still always so hard to say good-bye. Saying goodbye to my Aunt Pam has been hard. 

Pam was born with a heart defect and had many open heart surgeries before she was even a teen. She met my mom in the early 90s after my parents started attending the church. Our families quickly grew close. In 1997 she received a much needed heart transplant. There were a few complications along the way, but the new heart gave her a new lease on life. She wanted to see their adopted son Mark graduate high school, and she did. She also saw him graduate college, and was able to attend my wedding. I am so thankful she was able to share these moments with her family and with us.

 Aunt Pam was a big part of my childhood, and helped mold who I am today. 

 Because we could never pronounce her long last name when I was little my brothers and sisters and I called her "Aunt Pam". She may not have been my biological aunt but she and her husband treated us kids as their family.  

I feel like a huge part of my childhood is gone now. I know I still I still have all the memories and all the little gifts and cards from her. I know I still have photos and emails. But it feels as though I've lost something from myself that can never be replaced.

I'm not sure yet how I feel about knowing she is gone. Part of me is sad, but part of me is happy she isn't suffering with the pain and complications with her health anymore. Part of me doesn't get that my Auntie is really truly gone. They had moved out of state years ago so I don't get a sense of severe physical loss yet. But I see her name in my contact list on my cell and I know that there is no longer going to be any texts from her. I just got an email from her a few weeks ago too, and now there will be no more emails. I haven't been able to have a good break down cry yet... and that bothers me a bit. I have teared up a few times though. I think it may take some time. I know everyone grieves differently. For now I just feel empty. 

Please pray for Aunt Pam's husband Kurt and their son Mark. And please pray for my mom, Pam was the sister she never had and I know how hard this loss is on my mom. 

Pam wrote a guest post for my wedding blog last year- I highly encourage you to read about her life in her own words. Part 1 and part 2 

I will miss you Auntie Pam, thankyou for being in my life and for all the love you gave to me. Love your niece, Rebecca

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