Hello readers,
This is going to be a very difficult post to write.
Due to my back and complications with medication causing me to feel tired all the time my photography is pretty much dead. I do not have the energy required to do photo shoots anymore.
It's been a very hard loss to accept, but I have managed up until recently. A young soon-to-be-married couple contacted me a month ago about doing their wedding and I had to turn it down. I have no idea what my health will be like in 6 months and honestly as a former bride I don't want this bride-to-be to have to find another photographer because I suddenly took ill or my back went out again. Not taking that job was emotionally draining. I love doing weddings and we could have really benefited from the money.
I'm not taking jobs anymore or promoting my photography business. I feel like it is dead and buried but my husband insists it is just resting and I will get back into it someday. I wish I could be so hopeful.
I haven't shut down my sites yet but I have been thinking about it. It's hard to photograph anything when you are stuck at home because you are sick.
I miss my photography so much.
Rebecca - I encourage you to be really careful with the "black and white" thinking -- meaning that your photography is either ON or OFF. Keep brainstorming ways to make it work with your current circumstances - it may not be just like you would like, but even if you have your camera in bed and take one photo and edit it, that's a task worth doing.
ReplyDeleteI agree with a comment on your last post and encourage you to seek out a therapist! It's an amazing experience and may really help you navigate through this tough stuff!
I think I agree with Justin. I think that in a few months or a year or two you will be back photographing regularly, whether as a business or just for fun. Maybe not as much as you'd like, but back at it none-the-less.
ReplyDeleteThree-and-a-half years ago I didn't know if I'd make it through surgery, if I'd ever get to really play with my children again, if I'd be able to exercise, if I'd be able to do anything more than sleep 12-19 hours each day and live with terrible brain fog that kept me from really studying for my degree and the teaching that I loved. The worst part was having the kids stop asking me to play with them and having them tell everyone that I was sick (again). It took a few months and surgery but now I'm teaching, playing, and loving the time with my family. Some days I'm still so sick it's hard to do anything and other days I feel like I can do anything. It's frustrating - down and out 4 days in the last 7 right now with Sunday being bad enough that I didn't get out of bed except to use the bathroom - but I know that it can be really good too and I'm feeling better today again.
I think you'll be in that place again too.
HUGS,
Lea
If you can think of it as a opportunity rather than a loss, you're winning the game. Honestly, I've had many disappointments in my life that seemed out of my control (and for the most part, they really were). But when those things were behind me, I was able to look at them with less emotion and more appreciation for what I learned or was FORCED to learn from them. You would like to be healthy and active and be able to pursue your photography business and attend church, but that's just not possible right now. So, lose yourself in some great classic books or old movies, something that keeps your mind busy when your body can't be. My guess is that taking in some new culture/art/literature would likely prompt you to want to share it and then see where your brain takes you next! You might start writing poetry or building dreams of another kind. I think your depression and physical boundaries are keeping a lid on your creativity, but it doesn't have to be that way, because you have a clever brain that just needs an outlet. I'm rambling a bit, but I'm really just trying to encourage you to not give up on that desire you have.
ReplyDeleteOh, and, take Vitamin D. In large doses (well, check with your doctor, but when I was found deficient and put on prescription-dose Vitamin D, I felt amazingly different!) -- at least 1000 units/day (my prescription dose was 50,000 units/day -- yes, fifty thousand!). I know you are tired of doctors and medical visits, but vitamins are an easy thing to do.
Hugs, sweet Rebecca! Wish I could just come over and make you some hot cocoa. :)
Praying that you are able to get back to your photography soon!
ReplyDeleteJustin is right - your photography is just resting! Keep taking a photo or two here or there when you can - it will help keep it alive! I love seeing your photos of anything and I love how you find beauty in the everyday through a camera lens. Love you ♥
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