Finding Hope

One of the benefits of blogging for me is the ability to look at my older posts I've written throughout the years. It's like a little snapshot of who I was at the time, what issues I was struggling with, and what things made me smile. It also helps me see how far I've come and

what things I still need to change. 

I was browsing through the archives on this blog for memory's sake. I saw my posts about my nephew's birth, family events, and fun trips. Seeing photos of my siblings so young are bittersweet- but it's exciting to see how much they have grown!

Some posts though tugged at my heart strings. Especially the ones back in 2014. I was in the darkest, blackest, most suffocating hole of depression at that time. I was trying to adapt to my new situation with a horrible back injury and it wasn't going well. Everything felt hopeless. I remember it far too well. 

Four years have passed and some things have changed. The most obvious change is the severity of the pain. I still struggle with pain but its not destroying-my-life levels of pain like it used to be. I've learned my physical limits, I've learned how to be more careful and I've learned to accept the injury. I'm also getting help for my depression now. 

I feel really bad for past me. That was such a dark time in my life and looking back on it, I feel sad. Just genuinely sad. 

I don't know what else to say. “Life gets better,” I guess? It's not how I would prefer things to be, but it did get better. It's hard when you are in the thick of it to see that there is a way out, that there is hope. Sometimes it just takes a while to find it. Don't give up 💗

Love, Rebecca

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Mental Health Awareness

Yesterday (October 10th) was World Mental Health Day. 

It was a day to talk about mental well being and another try and removing the negative attitudes toward it. I saw several messages and tweets from online creators talking about their own issues, struggles and victories with various mental struggles. It was encouraging and heartwarming to someone like me.

My struggles have been with depression, anxiety disorder, panic attacks and PTSD. I am taking daily medication and see a therapist once a month. Where I am now compared to five years ago is like night and day. I still struggle but I can function now with more confidence. I used to experience panic attacks up to four times a week, now its one to two times a month. I used to never leave my bed because the depression was telling me everything was pointless. Now when I have those thoughts creeping in I go "Oh, just the depression talking," and refocus.

Depression is awful. It sucks your life away. It whispers horrible things to you, convincing you that life is pointless, nothing matters, you are a burden, the world is better off without you... it's an illness that can destroy your most basic instinct - to survive. It is a suffocating mess to deal with. It ruins your perceptions of relationships, reality and your own worth. 

If you are struggling with mental issues know you are not alone and there is hope! Be it medication, therapy or a good support system there are people ready to help. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as brushing your teeth, washing your hands and putting on sunscreen. Our bodies get sick and we care for them - do the same for your brain! 

click here for:

Crisis Services and Hotlines  (USA based)

 (I've used a crisis hotline before and it was helpful for my situation! Don't be afraid to reach out 💜)

Love, Rebecca

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