One of the benefits of blogging for me is the ability to look at my older posts I've written throughout the years. It's like a little snapshot of who I was at the time, what issues I was struggling with, and what things made me smile. It also helps me see how far I've come and
what things I still need to change.
I was browsing through the archives on this blog for memory's sake. I saw my posts about my nephew's birth, family events, and fun trips. Seeing photos of my siblings so young are bittersweet- but it's exciting to see how much they have grown!
Some posts though tugged at my heart strings. Especially the ones back in 2014. I was in the darkest, blackest, most suffocating hole of depression at that time. I was trying to adapt to my new situation with a horrible back injury and it wasn't going well. Everything felt hopeless. I remember it far too well.
Four years have passed and some things have changed. The most obvious change is the severity of the pain. I still struggle with pain but its not destroying-my-life levels of pain like it used to be. I've learned my physical limits, I've learned how to be more careful and I've learned to accept the injury. I'm also getting help for my depression now.
I feel really bad for past me. That was such a dark time in my life and looking back on it, I feel sad. Just genuinely sad.
I don't know what else to say. “Life gets better,” I guess? It's not how I would prefer things to be, but it did get better. It's hard when you are in the thick of it to see that there is a way out, that there is hope. Sometimes it just takes a while to find it. Don't give up 💗
Love, Rebecca
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