A Very Honest Post

Just returned home from getting the MRI done. We will receive the results by next week. 

In the meantime- I am just going to get completely and brutally honest. 

I feel like the worst wife ever. 

And I hate those feelings. 

But when you are bedridden, in severe pain- unable to dress, feed or wash yourself, life becomes very bleak. My husband has been an excellent nurse- but I want to start being a "couple" again. I want to be able to do stuff together, go on dates, etc. 

Long story short, I miss living life. Right now I am just existing -and that's a miserable way to live. I want to enjoy the fall, go out with Justin, play with my bunny, start making Christmas gifts. I want to be able to sleep again - instead of sleeping long, weird or disjointed hours. 

I miss blogging so much, I miss my photography. I have two girls on standby for their senior portraits but it looks like I am going to have to give it up. 

I am lonely, tired, discouraged and worn out. 

I know this just a raw post, and brutally honest. But this is my real life. I would love to paint a picture of bubbles and roses of a carefree newlywed wife, but it's not reality. 

Your prayers are coveted. ~ Rebecca

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Update!

MRI has been approved and scheduled for Friday! Thank you all for your prayers❤ 

My mom visited me with my siblings yesterday, we watched a movie together. It was so nice to have company. My mom also cleaned my kitchen which was sorely neglected and it was so very kind of her to do so. 

Thankful for my family, for my husband, for all my praying friends, and for all my readers! You all are helping me get through this. 

Love, Rebecca

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Update on my Back

Hi Everyone, 

    Just a quick update on what is going on with me. So on Saturday night, around midnight I went back to the ER. The pain was still terrible and I couldn't stand it any longer. I was given a stronger pain med and sent home. We didn't get back till close to 3am. I was so tired and in so much pain. 

I did see a doctor today and they took X-rays. The doctor said that there was a possibility for arthritis, however he felt the pain might be muscular. I need to get an MRI. 

Please pray our insurance will approve the MRI and that we can start getting answers. I am tired of being stuck in bed and the pain is very difficult to deal with. I can barely move around without shooting pain in my back and down my legs. Normal daily life is impossible at this point. I am tired of just existing- I want to start actually living! 

Thank you for your prayers, Rebecca 

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Going on a Semi-Hiatus

Hello readers! 

I am sad to say that this blog will be on a hopefully brief semi- hiatus. 

I have been dealing with severe back pain making it difficult to type. 

I will try to post updates when I can, I am hoping to see a doctor on Monday and get a referral for an MRI.

Prayers are very much appreciated. 

Thankyou! 

~Rebecca

You can contact me at jubsjuream2011@gmail.com

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A Tale in Which I Get My First Ambulance Ride

Had my first ambulance ride today- 

Long story very short, I was supposed to go to the doctors for annoying hip and for back pain but when  I woke up this morning I had a very difficult time walking/standing/sitting without intense pain. Soooo my doctor told me to not come in and call an ambulance and go to the Emergency Room. The EMTs were very kind and managed to get me up the hill on a stretcher to the ambulance. Once in the ER I was examined and a nurse gave me a shot to help ease the pain (it HURT) and I will be having an MRI at a later date. I am home now. What a crazy day.

Keep praying as we try to figure out what is wrong.

love, Rebecca

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Sister Time!

My sister Stephanie slept over our apartment this past week.

We stopped at a friends house to see some horses!! The horses came right up to us and were whinnying! 

Justin played Kirby with her on his old Nintendo 64

We had a great time! 

God bless, 

~Rebecca

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August Photos

Due to the back pain and other various health problems lately I have severely slowed down my attempts to get photography jobs. Instead I have just photographed random bugs, flowers or even critters I have come across. I have found this to be very enjoyable and I have captured some very beautiful photos. 

The flower above was found near our apartment, I was trying to photograph the flower when the bumblebee flew by. I have a healthy respect for bees so I was a little nervous to try to get in any closer, but the photo turned out beautiful!  

This little guy was probably only about 2-3" in length. He gave me a very hard time! Finally at one point he had hopped onto a dog leash and I was able to lift the dog leash and get the little guy into frame.

After a bad rainstorm I had gone over my mother-in-laws house in hopes of seeing a butterfly on her butterfly-bush. After waiting almost an hour this was the only butterfly that ever showed up. 

The butterfly bush

This is a fully bloomed knock-out Rosebush by my apartments. These bushes have bloomed all summer long

A new rose bud on the same bush

My in-law's cat Nimbus is quite the character. I adore this kitty to pieces and he seems to like me back! 

My in-law's dog Shadow. He is a beagle-husky-and who-knows-what-else mix. He is an absolute sweetheart! 

More of my work can be viewed here and here

I hope you enjoyed the photos! 

God bless, 

~Rebecca

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Torn Wings

I found this Zebra Swallowtail Butterfly near my apartment last week. I was so excited to see her fluttering around and tried to snap a photo before she flew away. I only captured one photo, and it was not even a very good quality photo. 

When I later uploaded the photo to my computer and enlarged it I was SHOCKED to see the huge tears in her wings.While I was trying to photograph this butterfly I had never noticed the wing tear, I was far too excited to see a big beautiful butterfly. 

I debated whether to keep the photo or delete it. The photo is poor quality and the butterfly is far from perfect. I started to wonder what awful circumstance had damaged her fragile wings...and then I started thinking about the fact that she was alive, flying and feeding. The more I stared at the picture I started thinking...I am like this butterfly.

I have been through a lot in life, I have been "damaged" by situations. I still have scars from my past, and struggles I have to face everyday. I have my health problems, my anxiety disorder...in many ways my "wings" are definitely torn. 

So many times I want to give up. The pain, the depression, the anxiety -it overwhelms me. I keep trudging along, seeking answers and trying to heal. 

I hope, that just like I was excited and entranced by this beautiful butterfly, that people see me first for my good qualities, my character...and not initially my "scars".

When I chose the name for this blog, I had no special reason to pick "Butterfly Days" other than the fact that I LOVED butterflies and I like decorating with butterfly themed items and pictures. As I have continued to blog about my struggles I am glad I chose that title. Butterflies are a common symbol of hope. They go through a beautiful transformation process from caterpillar to a butterfly. They go through a complete and total change in their lifetime. 

I don't know what God has planned for me, I often ask Him, "Why do I have to be sick? Why do things have to be so hard? Why did you allow that circumstance in my past?" 

It is hard to maintain hope. But I am trying. I am thankful that I saw that butterfly. I am thankful that I was able to capture that picture.

And I am thankful for all of your prayers! 

Love, 

~Rebecca

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My Little Brother Turned 20

So my baby brother Collin just turned 20 at the beginning of the month. Justin and I took him and his girlfriend Sarah out for dinner and fro-yo. We had a very fun time and it was so nice to have a double date! 

On a side note, the frozen-yogurt business seems to have exploded in my state! I have been to two different chains and they are fantastic! There are many more other chains popping up all over the place. It's a fun experience! 

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More Bubbles

During my mother's surprise party Justin took out his giant Bubble maker for the children to play with. 

Here are the photos! 

God bless, 

~Rebecca

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Jeremiah turns 13!

This past Saturday my brother Jeremiah joined the ranks of teenagehood! 

We had a party to celebrate! 

Grandpa and Kitty! 

He received some awesome legos sets and a night goggles spy toy. Justin and I gave him the first book in the RedWall series.  

Preparing to blow out the candles on his peanut butter pie birthday dessert! (It was soooo good!)

You can find the recipe here: Decadent Peanut Butter Pie 

Happy Birthday little brother.... I LOVE  YOU!!!!

Love your big sister, 

~Rebecca

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Collin is Turning 20??

Yes! It is true, my baby brother has left his teenage years behind today...he is no longer a teen- because he is now 20!!

Collin and I got along as well as one can expect siblings to be able to...lol

We loved creating costumes together, and we often fought over who got to read the next Redwall book first.

Collin has a natural ability to catch all manner of living critters...from beautiful butterflies to frogs to a wild rabbit (for about 5 seconds...lol)

he is definitely the out-doors type

loves to cook

and enjoys looking silly

he can exhibit feats of strength

 be a good big brother

and a good boyfriend.

Happy Birthday Collin! May your 20th year be a happy one!! 

Love your big sister, 

~Rebecca

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