Butterfly Days: Grandma Nicolina

Monday, March 2, 2020

Grandma Nicolina

Justin's grandma sadly passed on February 15th of this year.

I will be making a proper post soon in memory of her.

We knew her time was drawing to a close as of December but it still seemed to arrive so suddenly. She took a bad fall on a Wednesday and was gone by Saturday.

During the days between her fall and her passing, things were bittersweet. Family trickled in and out of Grandma's home. Quiet moments were had, tears were shed, and an occasional somber giggle at old stories could be heard.

I was able to have a brief conversation with Grandma on Thursday. She was tired but still aware of us that day. We made jokes, held hands and expressed our love for each other.

Family members took turns consoling one another,comforting Poppa, sitting with grandma or sharing thoughts. We were there, waiting, for Grandma's time to end. The feeling of not being able to do anything and having to wait reminded me so much of all the times I've waited to hear of a baby's arrival. I couldn't do anything to speed up the process or alter events. I had to just sit there and wait. We all had to wait.

Death is ugly.

Grandma's face was swollen with blood, her nose had been broken in the fall. She was bleeding from her eyes, her nose and sadly vomiting blood too. One of her eyes was swollen shut and her face was marked with deep purple. It was sad. Heart breaking. We knew her time was coming but we didn't think it would look like this. We didn't prepare for this.

It was hard.

As horrible and cruel as death is, it also gives us some beauty.

In the brief moments of awareness loving words were shared. Grandma was comforting us.

We knew Grandma wanted to pass at home and surrounded by family. It was beautiful to see her desire fufilled. My husband and I were not there when the time came but Grandma's last words were, "I'm so happy" Some of the family were gathered around singing her favorite hymns to her when Grandma's soul departed.

Grandma died on February 15th, 2020. It was the 64th anniversary of Grandma and Poppa's first date

We got the phone call that Grandma was gone. A mix of relief and sadness filled me. Grandma is no longer in pain, but now she is gone. The empty feeling has grown since the day she passed. Those moments remembering that I can't tell grandma that joke, or I can't give her a hug really hurt. It comes and goes. I feel so happy and grateful to have known her one moment, only to be crying later because I can not make any more memories with her.